hard to find words...

This morning around 4AM my Granny Kinsey went to be with Jesus. I was in my bedroom nursing Lydia and praying for my Granny and my family. I was praying for peace and comfort and was reminded of the prayers of my children in the last few days as we talked about Granny dying and about heaven. Lucy’s prayer “Dear God, please help Granny to die safely.” And Samuel’s prayer “Dear God, have mercy on Granny and bring her to heaven so that we can see her again one day.” My prayers were similar and my emotions were too.

It’s been hard to be away from home while Granny dies, to not be able to be with her and my family. She was brought home on hospice last weekend after a stay in the hospital. My family have gathered around her, loved her, cared for her and comforted one another with stories of love and lives well lived. I’ve been stuck between two worlds – one of new life and one of a life well lived - One of a family in new beginnings and one where a family tries to grapple with the end – one where we embrace and make room and one where we let go and say goodbye. It’s been hard to experience either fully in the haze of new mommy emotions.

Despite the whirlwind of emotions - I’m grateful for LOVE that makes the depth of joy and pain even greater. Without love neither of these emotions (joy and grief) would hurt or tug or pull at my heart and without love I wouldn’t know the comfort of the LORD in times like these.

My cousin, Angela, has written several posts about this time for our family. I’ve taken some pictures from her blog. Pray for our family as we gather to celebrate Granny’s life and say goodbye.

“The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” Job 1:21

Granny and Grandpa, married 65 years

Granny with her granddaughters - Angela (RIGHT) and me (LEFT)

Happy Mother's Day!

What a great mother's day! Thank you Samuel, Lucy and Lydia for making me a Mama - I am so fortunate to have you as my children!

And to my Mama - Happy Mother's Day! I love you and I'm so grateful for your love, care and motherliness - you are amazing!

"My Mother"

I love you Mother for your quiet grace,
For that dear smile upon your kindly face,
For marks of toil upon each loving hand,
That worked for me ere I could understand;
For all time's touches on your hair and brow,
For never were you quite so dear as now:
I will be loyal, faithful, loving, true,
For, Mother dear, I owe so much to you.

(From Verses of Virtue)

by Clara Simpson.

Week two

Lydia’s second week of life was more adventurous than the first. She went to the grocery store for the first time with Samuel and Mama, took a trip to the library with the whole crew, traveled to Douglasville for a house scouting trip, took a stroller ride around the neighborhood to the fallen down tree, visited with some friends who stopped by and took a trip to Samuel's school for a Mother's Day breakfast. She’s sleeping in 2-3 hour stretches at night (most nights), she is wide awake for some of the day, and she makes the sweetest sleep smile faces. We’re truly enjoying her addition to our family. Here is Samuel's favorite outfit for her to wear - it was one of Lucy's...

The facts

This is the same little outfit Samuel and Lucy wore when they were first born.

A whirlwind of a first week – Tornadoes

Lydia’s first week went relatively smoothly. I was fortunate enough to have help from friends and husband so that I didn’t have to leave the house except to take Lydia to her pediatrician appt (she weighed 7lbs 4 oz at her check up which means she only lost 9 oz since we left the hospital). We weathered the week fairly well – I think I will survive kindergarten homework and sleepless infant nights. Lydia is a sweet baby and is doing all the things infants do – eating, sleeping, pooping and staring. The children love her and Jeremy and I are so grateful for this bundle of joy. Even with uncertain circumstances swirling about I am certain of my love for these precious children and I’m so grateful I get to be their mommy. I was reminded of this so often in the past two weeks and especially the night the tornadoes rolled through.

I was up feeding Lydia and heard the tornado sirens go off. I went to check the weather and heard that we had 7 minutes until the tornadoes came through our area. I woke Jeremy up and put some blankets and pillows on the laundry room floor and we carried the children in and laid them on the floor. I grabbed Lydia and some flashlights and set in the middle of my children all sleeping soundly as the rain and wind whipped about. It was surprisingly peaceful to be surrounded by my sleeping children in the midst of the storm – I was reminded that peace is often most noticed when the storms are raging, when life isn’t calm and when the contrast between peace and chaos can be seen the most. I was thankful for the reminder that peace and comfort can be found no matter the circumstances - and was comforted by the fact that God is in control even in the worst of circumstances – and He gives peace.

Several miles down the road there was tornado damage, a friend’s house was damaged and several miles away in Griffin there was significant damage. I’m so glad we were safely able to make it back to bed after an hour in the laundry room with my 5 day old. Thank you Lord for your protection.

One funny note - Lucy did wake up and ask if we were going to get blown away by the tornado – it didn’t help that she had listened to the Wizard of Oz during her nap time from a books on tape recording. We prayed for peace and she fell back asleep quickly. The next morning when she woke up she wanted to go outside and see if we were in the clouds because the tornado had swept us away. The perspective of a 4 year old is always interesting.

Books

Samuel has done a great job learning to read this year. I am continually surprised by what he can read and what he writes. I really like to see him reading to Lucy. We got a book in the mail called "Ladybug Girl and BumbleBee Boy" about a girl named Lulu and boy named Sam - what a cute book! Here's my little readers.

Random thought and a thank you

Here is a random thought from the sleep deprived -

One the back of tylenol bottles (or most medications) it states that if you use the medication for more the 7 days you should contact your physician. I was thinking, hot dogs and macaronni and cheese should probably have the same warning. Something like "if you consume hot dogs for more than 7 days in a row please consult your physician as this could be hazardous to your health" Maybe the warning should be geared toward children so that they can report their parents if this becomes a problem. I'm just thinking outloud - and trying to remind myself to space out those buy one get one free hotdogs from Publix and those .59 boxes of mac and cheese (why do all the quick and easy meals have to be so darn bad for you? Hopefully the fruit and veggies they eat too will outweigh the other!)

PS - THANK YOU to all of those friends who have brought meals in the last few weeks - what a blessing you have been to me and my family!!!!

A sweet brother

Last week Lucy and Jeremy went with Samuel on a field trip to a nearby farm to pick strawberries, watch some beekeeping in action, eat some ice cream from the cow on the farm, jump on a jumpy thing, ride on a hay ride, see animals and have a great time. Samuel was super sweet and took care of his little sister - kindly putting his arm around her and including her in the fun. What a caring older brother! I'm so glad Samuel has two little sisters that get to enjoy his big-brother-ness.

Thumb sucker number 2

I think we have another thumb sucker on our hands...

Four-year-old fashionista

This is what happens when you have a four-year old fashionista for a big sister!

The fashionista